国外的有爱网站……大家在上面交流自己的倒霉事。

OLAY

Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML

今天，我终于说服了我喜欢的女孩和我上床。我决定像电影情节里那样一下子抱着她两脚悬空地到我的床上。结果我一个不小心把她的脑袋撞到了门框上把她砸晕了过去。FML

OLAY

Today, my parents decided to visit me. When I first got my apartment I gave them a key "just in case" and today they used this key to enter when I didn't answer their knocking. I didn't answer because I was having sex with my boyfriend. My parents saw everything. They didn't know I was gay. FML


今天我父母突然来看我，我正在和男朋友在xxoo所以没有应门。我父母用了我给他们以防万一的钥匙开了门...所有春光都尽收他们眼里了，更囧的是，他们不知道我是gay的。

OLAY

Today, I decided to take a nap. My boyfriend gave me some sleeping pills but I decided last minute not to take them. I woke up to my boyfriend kissing my neck and unbuttoning my shirt. Without opening my eyes, I whispered "ooh this is so romantic." He blurted out shocked, "Oh...you're awake?!" FML

今天，我打算打个盹。我男朋友给了我一些安眠药但是我最后没决定吃。我迷迷糊糊地醒来的时候发现他在亲我的脖子，解开我的衬衫。我闭着眼睛低语道：“嗯……真是浪漫。”他震惊道：“啊。你醒着呢？！”FML

OLAY

Today, I returned from deployment to Iraq. I came home to discover my wife has been cheating on me the whole time I've been gone. What's worse? My 18 month old son calls the guy 'daddy'. FML

今天我从伊拉克的部队回来。到家发现自从我走了以后老婆就在搞外遇。更可悲的是我18个月大的小子还“认贼作父”

悲剧啊

OLAY

Today, I was approached by the head cheerleader, and she asked for my number. I was so excited that I gave it to her without question. Then she smiled, and walked away. Too bad my girlfriend was right behind me when it happened. FML

今天拉拉队长走到我身边问我要手机号码，我太兴奋了于是不假思索的给了她。她笑了一下走开了。十分不巧我女朋友就在身边。

OLAY

Today, a friend of mine was talking about how he'd spent over 30 hours on Call of Duty. I piped up and said "Oh yeah! Well I've spent well over 300 hours on Morrowind! Beat that!" To which he replied, "I've had sex. Beat that!" I couldn't. FML

今天我一个朋友说他玩了超过30个小时的使命召唤，我吹牛说我玩了超过300小时的Morrowind! (上古卷轴3：晨风).我赢了！他回答道：我有性经验，我赢了！   我无语······

OLAY

Today, I was at the pool, casually flirting with one of the lifeguards. He said that he would gladly give me CPR, in the event that I needed it. I laughed and thanked him, stating that it was a sweet idea, even though I wouldn't be needing assistance. I then choked on my bottled water. FML
今天在游泳池，我随便跟一个救生员调情。他说很乐意在我需要施救时给我做个人工呼吸。我笑了笑并且谢谢他，声明这是个不错的注意即使我不需要救助。然后我喝水时呛着了~

OLAY

Today, I had a horrible breakup with my girlfriend of two years. In my depressive state, I changed my Facebook status to the Blue October lyrics "Hate me today, Hate me tomorrow, Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you." My ex commented, "Give me an orgasm?" Five of my friends including my mom "Liked" this. FML

今天，我和我交往两年的女友分手了。我郁闷的将Facebook上我的状态更改为Blue的歌词：“今天恨你，明天恨你，恨我自己没有对你做所有的事情。”而我的原状态是“给我个性(和谐)高潮?”我的朋友包括我妈都认为我疯了。【意思就是这哥们和他女朋友还没走到最后一步。】

OLAY

Today, There was a fire in my building and the fire alarm went off when I was in the shower, I live on the 5th floor and had to run down the stairs naked because the fire was next door. When I got downstairs I got a $500 ticket for public nudity. FML

今天我洗澡时候隔壁的房子火警响了，我从5楼跑到楼下，全_>>裸。然后收到一张500块罚单因为“在公共场合裸-》》体”

OLAY

Today, I told my mom about how my friend is going to China for a year instead of college. My mom suggested that I could do the same. When I told her that a trip to China is probably more expensive than my college tuition, my mom replied, "Not for a one way ticket". FML

今天，我告诉我妈我哥们打算先不去大学而是去中国一年。我妈妈建议我也日次。当我提醒我妈说道中国的旅费应该会比上大学贵是时候，我妈回答，“单程票就不贵了”。妈~~~~

OLAY

Today, as I was driving my dad home, I got a text message. My dad, who doesn't want me texting while I'm driving, decided to read the text message to me. He began to repeat a message from my boyfriend recounting the amazing sex we had the night before. FML

今天我开车送我爸回家，收到条短信。我爸很不爽我开车飞信息，于是就把信息读出来。接着他就把我男人回味昨晚XXOO有多爽的事说了一遍。日。。。

OLAY

Today, I was sneaking over to my girlfriend's house. I sent her mother a text message thinking it was my girlfriend saying "There's a stalker coming in to make you his play mate ;]" Unfortunately when I got to her window I was greeted by her dad with a bat. FML

今天，我躲藏在我女朋友的房子里。我本想发了条短信给我女朋友，但是却发到了他母亲那里。短信里写着“这里有个潜行者向和你玩玩。”结果，当我在翻窗子的时候被她老爸用一个又粗又硬的柱状物热烈的欢迎了。妈~~~

OLAY

Today, I was supposed to finally go out with my guy-friend that I have liked for a long time. He told me he would text me, and after waiting for hours for the text, I finally got it. It said, "Guess what!? I just got laid!" He forgot our date, had sex, and I congratulated him. FML

今天，我打算和我相恋多年基友出去玩的。他告诉我会mail我的，我苦等了好几个消失，最终我收到一条短信，当面写着，“你猜咋地？我刚刚和人上床了。”他完全忘记了我们的约会，去乱搞去了，我恭祝他全家。。妈~~~

OLAY

Today, I woke up and noticed my son was not in his bedroom. Thinking he had ran away, I reported him missing and called all my relatives. After 3 hours, my son walked in the door. He was at his friends house where I dropped him off last night. My 14 year old told me to lay off the vodka. FML

今天我醒来，发现我儿子不见了，我以为他离家出走了，我报了警，然后联系所有的人。3小时后，我儿子回来了。他在他朋友家过夜了，并且告诉我，昨天我和伏特加和挂了，然后把他撩在那了。儿子啊~~~

OLAY

Today, at work, a man bought a lot of really expensive stuff. He paid the large bill with cash, and the manager helped me count the money. When we were done, he handed me a $100 bill to thank me for all the help. We can't accept tips. The manager was next to me. I had to say no. FML

今天，上班的时候，一个人买了好多贵重的东西。然后现金支付，我和经理数了好久才搞定，那人给了我100美刀辛苦钱，可是我们这里不能收小费，最糟糕的经理还在后面看着我。我只能说不，经理啊~~

OLAY

Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can't drive, our mom drove her there. FML

今天，我男朋友告诉我他病的很厉害，不能陪我了。我打算带着家里煲的汤去给他个惊喜。但是我踏进他房间，却发现他居然在和我妹妹鬼混。而且，我妹妹不会开车，还是我妈妈送她来的。。你妹啊~~

OLAY

Today, I went to Safeway. Go in, get stuff, come out, and I have almost no room to get into my car because an SUV was parked in a compact spot next to me all crooked. Irritated, I got a pen and paper and wrote 'Nice parking you f**King idi*t' and stuck it on the windshield. Then I notice someone was in the S UV. FML

今天我去零售店买东西，进去买了东西，出来突然发现一辆SUV就紧紧停在我车的旁边，我死活进不去我自己的车了。我被激怒了，拿起一张纸跟一支笔写到“你这个白（和谐）痴真会停车，我TM谢谢你了”写完把纸夹在挡风玻璃上，然后突然发现SUV里坐着个人。

OLAY

Today, I went out for dinner with my parents where they asked me if I was still dating my boyfriend so I answered no. They quickly responded by saying, "Oh so you finally got rid of that douchebag? It's not like he was getting anywhere in life anyways." I answered no because he's my fiance now
今天我跟家人一起出去吃饭，吃饭的时候他们问我是不是还跟男朋友好着呢，我回答没有。他们立刻激动地回答“天 你终于把那个混球给甩了，那种人没什么前途的” 其实我回答没有是因为他已经是我的未婚夫了

OLAY

Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night.fml
今天，我妈开车送我去足球场训练。路上我妈说她怀疑我是gay，我朋友是我基友。路上我足足痛苦了十五分钟（因为我不是gay） 结果我们一到训练场就看到我朋友啥都没穿，头上裹着粉色头巾跟我打招呼"hey 哥们 你昨天晚上弄疼我了"

OLAY

Today, I had to go to the police station to pick up my 42 year old dad. Why? He was caught stealing candy. FML
今天我从警察局把我42岁的爸爸接了回来，因为他被人抓到偷糖果