国外的有爱网站……大家在上面交流自己的倒霉事。

OLAY

Today, I was at working at Burger King as a cashier. The girl I met last night came in and said "Aren't you that guy from last night?" Last night, I had told her I was going to medical school and was going to be a doctor in less than a year. FML

今天，我在“汉堡大王”店作收银员。我昨天晚上遇到的女孩走了上来说：“你不就是昨晚的那个人吗？”昨天晚上，我告诉他我准备去医学院就读，而且一年之内就会成为医生。FML

老外追妞果然没有顾忌……日后再说

OLAY

Today, I was cleaning my father's study room and wondering why I did not receive my acceptance/rejection letter from a college I really wanted. I found the acceptance letter, on his desk, also approving of a full scholarship. The deadline to confirm was a month ago. FML
今天，我正在打扫我爸爸的研究室，在他的桌上我惊奇地发现了我没收到的大学通知书，有着令人满意的奖学金。截止日期是上个月。FML

OLAY

Today, I was on MSN with my friend and my 9 year old brother. My friend asked me for some advice about how to give a guy a good blowjob. I went into great detail, and then realised that I had typed it to the wrong window. I gave my little brother tips on how to perform fellatio. FML

今天，我在用MSN和我的朋友、我的9岁的弟弟聊天。我的朋友向我请教如何给男生来个质量高的KJ。我描述得特别详细，然后才发现我的窗口开错了。我教了我弟怎么样KJ。FML

OLAY

Today, my friend and I were filming football practice and talking about what guys on the team were attractive and who we would want to have sex with. We didn't realize that the camera was recording everything that we said. The tape was played to the entire team the next day. With sound. FML

今天，我的朋友和我在录制一场美式足球的练习赛，而且一边谈论着哪个队员很有吸引力，我们愿意和其中哪一个OOXX。我们没注意到摄像机把我们说的话全都录下来了。这录像第二天被放给了全队看。带着声音。FML

OLAY

Today, I came home from work late (2:30am). As I snuck carefully into bed and laid down next to my sleeping future wife, my fiancee half awake said "No, no... Dan will be home soon." I am Dan. FML
今天，我回家很晚（凌晨2：30）.我小心翼翼地来到床前躺在我未婚妻旁边，我未婚妻半梦半醒着说“不，别这样，丹很快就回来了。”我就是丹。FML

OLAY

Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML

今天，我走进家门发现所有的人都围着一张桌子坐下，表情悲伤。我觉得趁此机会开个玩笑会很好玩，就说：“咋地啦？奶奶终于翘辫子啦？”结果她真的是死了。FML

OLAY

Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML

今天，我试着要赞美我的女朋友，决定告诉她说她的气味很迷人。我自信地，用满含深情的口吻告诉她：“宝贝，你身上有股特别的恶臭。”FML

==== 豆知识 ====
Stench： 恶臭，臭气

老外平时的口语都很随便，而且味道的词汇是如此之多……于是此人随便过了头

OLAY

Today, after taping 5-year-olds do a skit at an improv camp, I used the camera's view-finder to zoom in on a female co-worker's chest. Another female co-worker tapped me on the shoulder to show that the TV was still connected to the camera. Parents, kids, and instructors all witnessed it. FML

今天，在夏令营录制5岁的小朋友们表演了一个小品之后，我用摄像机的取景器拉进镜头，聚焦到了一个女同事的胸部上。另一个女同事拍了拍我的肩膀，示意我电视仍然和摄像机连接着。家长，老师，和教练全都看到了。FML

OLAY

Today, I was taking an exam and I knew I was unprepared, so I wrote some cheat notes on my ankle. As I cross my legs to look at my notes, I realize I wore tall boots to class. I can't even cheat properly. FML

今天，我准备要考一次试，而且我知道我没准备好，所以我在我的脚踝上写下了点小抄。在我翘起二郎腿准备看小抄的时候，我注意到我今天穿来的是高腰靴子。我连作弊都不会。FML

吐槽：本来就没听说还有小抄写在那种地方的……

OLAY

Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of MAYO on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML

今天，我和我的一些朋友去一家露天餐馆吃饭。在女服务生清理了我们的桌子之后，桌子上仍然残留着一滴蛋黄酱。我用手指一抹，然后一舔。那不是蛋黄酱，是鸟屎。FML

OLAY

Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in there today and there was a note that said "Little Sister, stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML

今天，我溜进了我哥哥的房间去拿一个套套。这以前也发生过，当时我的男友忘了带套套来。所以我今天也去了，而且发现了一张便条写着：“小妹妹，别用我的套套了，而且你男友高潮的时候听起来像个娘们。”FML

……你俩干脆内部解决吧

OLAY

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. Being the stud that I am, after a short time I turned to her and said "You think you're ready for a round two?" She replied "No, but I do think I'm ready for the rest of round one." FML

今天，我和我的女友在OOXX。我觉得我非常爷们，于是过了一会我就转过来跟她说：“你觉得你准备好来第二盘了吗？”她回答“不，但我觉得我已经准备好了来把第一盘干完”FML

OLAY

Today, I was taking the bus home from work. As I was getting off an old man whistled at me, I told him to go to hell and got off the bus. When the bus drove away the old man stood in the back of the bus, holding up the wallet I left that he was trying to give to me. FML

今天，我坐公车上完班回家。在我准备下车的以后一个老头向我吹口哨。我告诉他去死，然后就下了车。当车开走的时候，那老头站在车尾，手里举着他本来想还给我的我不下心落下的钱包。FML


大叔GJ

OLAY

Today, my friends and I decided that we were going to make fun of our teacher by laughing as hard as we could at the first thing he said because he was always cracking horrible jokes. He walked in and told us his father had just passed. I was the only one to laugh. FML

今天，我的朋友和我决定耍耍我们的老师，计划不管他第一句话说什么，我们都使劲地大声干笑，因为他总是讲那些没意思的冷笑话。他走了进来告诉我们说他的父亲去世了。我是当时唯一一个笑的 FML

OLAY

Today, I saw my girlfriend going into my best friend's dorm room and suspected her to cheat on me so I placed a camera in his room to spy on them. In the end, I discovered that my girlfriend has problems in math and both my best friend and brother are gay. FML

今天，我看到我女朋友进了我好朋友的宿舍，我怀疑他们肯定背着我有一腿，就偷偷放了个摄像机监视他们，最后，我知道了物品女朋友只是去问数学题，而且我还知道了我朋友和我哥哥都是搞基的。FML

OLAY

Today, I was on an airplane back from California. I decided to check out my new $1500 MacBook that I bought the day before. My son decided to projectile vomit all over me, my new computer, and my bag. None of it got on him. FML

今天，在返回加州的飞机上，我决定拿出昨天才买的Macbook笔记本看看，而我的儿子显然决定在我周围四处呕吐= =，最后我的包和电脑无一幸存。FML

OLAY

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
今天，我喝醉了跟一个不怎么认识的女孩嘿咻。我没有套套怕导致她怀孕，但她说只要快S了时拔出来就没事了。当我正要拔出来时，她用腿箍住我，叫着“当我孩子的爸爸吧！”我来不及拔出来了。FML

OLAY

Today, while entering the building I live in, I walked into my neighbor who winked at me and said last night must have been great. After I asked why, he said he could hear my girlfriend moaning and screaming, and that I must be pretty good at it. I was just coming back from a week overseas. FML


今天，我回到住的地方的时候碰到了我的邻居，他冲我挤眼睛，
邻居：你昨晚一定很爽吧
我：咋了
邻居：我昨天听到你女朋友在那面呻（wow）吟啊尖叫啊，你一定精力旺盛吧。
我（卧槽，我出国一个月才回来啊）

FML

OLAY

Today, I ran into my new apartment neighbor. She said she could hear me and my girlfriend having wild sex last night. She told me she had always wanted to have a threesome. My new neighbor is as old as my grandma, and even resembles her. I politely declined. FML

今天，我碰到了我所住的新公寓的一个邻居。她说她昨晚听见我跟我GF ML。她还说她一直想来个3p。我的新邻居跟我祖母一样老，甚至还跟她长得很像。我很有礼貌的拒绝了，FML

OLAY

Today, I was driving without a license and weed in my car. A cop began to follow me, so I watched my speed very intently. I watched the speedometer so hard that I forgot that I was driving and ran off the road into a ditch. FML

今天，我无证驾驶，而且车上还有大【绿坝】麻。某交警开始开车跟着我，所以我十分小心地注意着我的车速。我一心一意地盯着车速表结果我竟然忘了我还在开车——结果我开出了马路把车开到了沟里。FML