国外的有爱网站……大家在上面交流自己的倒霉事。

OLAY

Today, I was using my dad's cell because I had broken mine. I was texting my boyfriend all day when my dad needed his phone back. I forgot to tell my boyfriend that my dad would be using the phone. My boyfriend proceeded to text graphically what he wanted to do to my dad. FML

今天，我在用我老爸的手机因为我把我的搞坏掉了。我一整天都在给我男友发短信，突然我爸说他需要用手机。我忘了告诉我的男友接下来我爸会用那台手机——结果我男友继续发了张图片来说明他想对我爸做些什么 FML

OLAY

Today, me and my boyfriend had some crazy rough sex. In the process I ended up with huge bruises and bite marks all over my neck and chest. I'm giving a speech on domestic violence today. FML

今天，我和我的男友火爆地来了场重口的OOXX。在做完了以后我的脖子上和胸部上有着大块的淤青和咬痕。我今天就会作一场关于家庭暴力的演讲。FML

OLAY

Today, I was walking down the street when a homeless man asked me for some spare change. I told him I didn't have any. I then tripped. Not only spilling the soda I was drinking all over myself, but also spilling the spare change I had from buying it. FML

今天，我正在街上走，突然一个流浪汉问我要零钱。我跟他说我没有，然后就跌了个嘴啃泥。我不仅把刚才在喝的果汁撒在我身上到处都是，还把买果汁找回来的零钱都掉到了地上。FML

OLAY

Today, I was playing and laughing with my new baby boy. He was giggling, and it was adorable. Out of nowhere I say "you're my favorite!". Now I'm sitting here talking to my two other children about how what I said earlier I didn't mean personally. They never want to talk to me again. FML

今天，我在和我的新生小宝贝嬉闹。他在咯咯地笑，卡哇伊死了。我没来由地地说：“你是我的最爱！”结果现在我坐在这里和我的另外两个孩子解释说我刚才说的并不是真的。他们再也不想和我讲话了。FML

OLAY

Today, after sex with my girlfriend, I thought it would be sexy to wear her underwear until we saw each other again. I found a pair in her bathroom, but they definitely weren't her sexy ones. Her mom walked in on me to collect the laundry and screeched "What are you doing with my panties!" FML

今天，在和我女友OOXX完之后，我觉得偷偷穿她的内裤，然后直到我们下次见面的这种感觉很性感……我在她的浴室找到了一对，但是它们肯定不是她性感的那一对。她妈为了进来收衣服而撞见了我，尖叫道：“你在对我的小裤裤做什么？？”FML

OLAY

Today, I went to get the Apple store, my Mac had been making a grinding noise from the fan. The guy put his ear to the keyboard and said there was a CD in the drive so I couldn't hear the grinding from the fan. He ejected the CD. It was p***. FML

今天，我去了苹果专卖店，我的苹果机一直以来总是从风扇那里发出一种摩擦的声音。店员把耳朵靠在键盘上，然后说有一张光盘在机器里面，导致他听不见风扇发出的咔咔声。他把光碟弹了出来——是AV。FML

OLAY

Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML

今天，我在用短信和一个同事调情。谈话在慢慢地变得火热起来，于是我想送她一张我的性感图片。我问她有没有什么建议。她回答：“Your nuts（你的蛋蛋）！”可是她实际上的意思是：“你疯了！”于是我送她了一张我的JJ的照片。我骚扰了我的同事，证据确凿。FML

==== 豆知识 ====
you're nuts! 你疯了！
nuts 俚语的意思是蛋蛋

OLAY

Today, I asked my boyfriend while he was eating potato chips if he wanted to eat me. He looked at the potato chips, he looked at me and said "Unless your vagina turns into a potato chip, I'd rather eat these." FML

今天，我在我的男友吃薯片的时候问他他想不想吃我（暗指KJ）。他看了看薯片，又看了看我，说道：“除非你的YD变成一个薯片，否则我还是吃薯片吧。”FML

OLAY

Today, I noticed I have to lift up my fat to see my penis. FML

今天，我发现只有在我拉起了肚子上的肥油以后才能看见我的JJ。FML

OLAY

Today, I decided to smoke a cigarette while I was driving to work. I was also eating french fries during the drive. I had never realized how much a cigarette feels like a french fry. In conclusion, cigarettes don't taste very good when you bite into them. FML

今天，我决定在开车上班的途中抽根烟。我同时也在吃薯条。我从来都没意识到香烟感觉上和薯条很像——结论是，咬开香烟的味道并不怎么样 FML

OLAY

Today, I went to dinner with my boyfriend. After we ordered, I started to unzip his fly really slowly. As i put my hand in his boxers he stands up to greet his mom and dad who were joining us for dinner. FML.

今天，我和我的男友去吃晚餐。在点餐之后，我开始慢慢地拉开他的裤拉链。在我把手放进他的内裤里面的时候，他站了起来跟他来和我们一起吃饭的父母打招呼。FML

OLAY

Today, my mother called me and told me that she went to the hospital. This wasn't a surprise 'cos she normally goes to the hospital for the smallest things. So, I was a smart ass and asked, "What now? You finally have lung cancer from all those cigarettes?" Apparently, she does. FML

今天，我妈打电话跟我说她上医院了。我一点也不吃惊，因为她平常一有丁点小病就往医院跑。所以，我故作聪明地问她：“搞毛啊？你终于抽烟抽出肺癌了？”很明显，她确实是抽烟抽出肺癌了 FML

OLAY

Today, I woke up with a black eye. Why? My husband was having a dream where he was fighting somebody and wound up punching me in the face in his sleep. I had a very important job interview this morning. FML

今天，我起床时有黑眼圈。为么呢？因为我老公昨晚做梦和别人打架来着，所以在他的睡梦中狠揍了我一拳。早上我还有个非常重要的求职面试呢!FML

OLAY

Today, I punched my wife in the face, because she jumped out from behind the bedroom door in the dark. I'm afraid of the dark. I'm 21. FML

今天，我揍了我老婆一拳，因为她关了灯从卧室门背后跳出来吓我。我可怕黑了。我21岁。 FML

woobee

太搞了...笑死...

OLAY

Today, I went with my fiance to meet his parents. He was really sweet the whole way there, and once we got there he introduced me as 'the girl I'm going to marry'. His parents took one look at me and said, "Are you sure?" I laughed, because I thought they were joking. They weren't. FML

今天，我和我未婚夫去见他父母。他一直都对我很好，到了之后他介绍我是他“将要娶得女孩”。他爸妈看了我一眼然后说：“真的假的？”我笑了，因为我以为他们开玩笑呢，可他们没有。     fml

caonisimade

真佩服老九
我看的没你发的快

OLAY

Today, I found a pair of women's underwear in the laundry that wasn't mine. I confronted my boyfriend about it. They were his. FML

今天，我在干洗店取到一副不属于我的女士内衣，我和我的男友对质，结果那是他的。FML

OLAY

Today, I took my best friend out for a night in town, after he got dumped by his girlfriend recently. As we were walking around, we passed a group of hot women, a couple who were checking him out. Trying to be encouraging, I said "He's single!" and winked. One of the girls was his ex-girlfriend. FML

我最好的朋友最近被甩了，所以今天我带他去城里散心。我们路过一群辣妹，其中两个在瞄他。我鼓起勇气，边递眼神边说：“他是单身！”结果其中一个女的是他前女友。FML

OLAY

Today, I was following my girlfriend up the stairs, I was pretty sure I was going to get lucky. As I was almost up the set of stairs, she lifted her skirt and revealed to me that she wasn't wearing any panties. I fell backwards down the stairs. FML

今天，我跟在我女友后面上楼梯，我十分确信我真走运。就在我快上完楼梯时，她撩起她的短裙向我显示她没穿内裤。我震精得摔下了楼梯。FML